Your Most Important Sex Organ

Got your attention?!

So, of course the genitals have been recognized, focused on and studied ad infinitum. We know the importance of healthy functioning genitals in our sex life. We know that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. We know about the g-spot, the vagus nerve, that women are a slow burn and are more auditory than visual when it comes to physically being “turned on.”

And for males we know the head of the penis has 4,000 nerve endings. That men “heat up” much faster than the girls. That erections are affected by our health, our lifestyle and our minds.

Which brings me to the second touted most important sex organ…your brain. We now are able to study the affects of our thoughts, our stress, our desires, our dysfunctions in conjunction with brain activity, hormones and our hard wired histories/experiences. We know that desire has to be in place before the biological sequences can occur in both males and females. Even Viagra needs to have the desire signals on board for it to work in attaining and maintaining an erection.

Women need to feel desire (both ways desired and desirable) to lubricate and feel connected to a partner. And so, we know all this and yet our offices are filled with all manner of dysfunction, sexual boredom and relationship breakdown around intimacy.

Why? Well…my finding is that our Communication is our most important sex organ! Because of the guilt, fear and shame attached to our in born need to pleasure and be pleasured, people do not talk about what they want, and what they don’t want.

Men are trained in our culture that it is your responsibility to please the woman. You are to have a bag of tricks that makes every woman scream…that is according to the porn industry and the magazines staring at you in line at every grocery store. So men are not encouraged to ask…to talk about what they like or to find how their partner likes to be touched, where they like to be touched, is their left labia more sensitive than their right labia, etc.

And on the other side….women are trained to not speak up…don’t hurt your guy’s fragile male ego. What happens if the girls are not enjoying sexual encounters? They avoid them, they get through them or they fake having a good time.

Like in the porn industries depiction of women having multiple orgasms while being pounded for an hour….all made up! Hollywood…I’ve seen these movies made…sad that this is our model for how sexual interaction is suppose to occur.

So…how do we get more in charge, have more say about our bedroom experiences? Sit down with your partner and write up your lists, one is for your turn-ons, the other is for your turn-offs. Discuss the list one by one taking turns in negotiating how one another’s needs can be met.

If you are just beginning a sexual relationship, sit and talk about likes and dislikes, don’t just get enough alcohol one night, fall into bed and fumble around hoping for the best. This pattern could last a lifetime or at least several years before you find your way in to my office.

Susan Kaye, Ph.D.
Sex Therapist, Sex Educator, Intimacy Coach
Surrogate Partner Therapist

Tracy’s Toy Box – Overall Thoughts and Review on Toys!

Here is my final toy review of all the wonderful toys from Adult Megaplex!

Lelo Gigi 2– This is a great toy for many different reasons. I used this toy alone, although it could be used with a partner as well. I felt like it was best used solo. It has eight different modes; it’s silent, waterproof, VERY powerful and the tip hits the “sweet spot.” I loved the fact this toy was silent. Since I am married, I didn’t want my husband to get jealous or get his feelings hurt. (Aims for the G-Spot)

JimmyJane Form 2– This toy was probably my personal favorite! The vibration was strong, it is waterproof and it was also very quiet. It comes with a universal adapter so you can charge it on the go! If you are a busy person like myself and that moment strikes, you could use the Jimmy Jane since it is small, quiet AND has the universal adapter to charge! I used this toy with my husband but it could also be used alone. It has vibrating “ears” that help stimulate either with a partner or by yourself. It is also one of Adult Megaplex’s best sellers! (Clitoral Stimulator)

Palm Power– This toy is a super charged massager that I personally felt was best used alone instead of with a partner, but you could use it either way. It has intense vibration and is good to maybe get yourself going before intimacy with a partner, or to just get the job done quickly by yourself! (Neck Massager or Vibrator)

Jack Rabbit– The Jack Rabbit has two functions; pulsation and vibration. There are non-jamming beads inside that are amazing. There is an auto-off feature which is good in case you forget to turn the toy off. This toy is good for single use or to be used with a partner. The rabbit ears touch the right spots and really get you in the mood! (Internal and external stimulation with auto shut-off)

Beaded Rabbit– This toy is so good, it will have you curling your toes! There are rotating metal beads, a one touch control button, is very soft and the rabbit ears and whiskers hit you in all the right spots. I personally liked using this toy alone but could be just as good with a partner. This toy is also one of my favorites! It is a MUST try! (Internal and external stimulation)